“이 번 주에 창밖을 많이 보고 있는데...”
“I’ve been looking out the window a lot this week...”
You know that feeling?
The one where you’re staring so hard at the leaves of the tree swaying outside your window, focusing on every flutter and sound? But you know that your mind is wrapped around that oddly comforting yet gnawing movement in the middle of your chest?
Yes, that one. Longing, let’s talk about that.
I’m a language lover (if you haven’t already noticed😏) and longing felt very Korean to me this week. So I decided to theme today’s Scribbles around one of my favorite Korean words: “그리움” (pronounced “geurium”), meaning “longing” or “yearning”.
The word sounds like a force, pulling my body slowly to my desires. The challenge, usually, was getting there. And “there” was often an achievement, a place, or, sometimes, a person.
But lately, it feels different.
The longing itself is the trigger, the pathway and the goal. I yearn for that elusive “lost in space” feeling. I yearn for the things that are gone, the feelings I can’t have anymore. That’s why geurium fits this emotion perfectly. It’s like sitting in emotions that do not exist, memories of how it felt to long for something, for someone and somehow, it becomes oddly comforting.
But, I know it’s fake.
And I don’t know how you feel, but I’d rather face a sharp 칼 같은 (kal gateun, “like a sword”) moment than an eternity of geurium’s bittersweet symphony.
So, I choose to wake up, and pull out the sword. Remind myself why I let go of that dream and the promises God exchanged them for. Cry, if that’s what it takes to recall why I left that toxic situation. And see me and my present for what it truly is.
Believe me, the showers never pour harder than at this moment.
Everything becomes clear once again and instead of vague geurium locking my mind in the past, I take yonggam (용감, “courage”) and make all those painful tough decisions count!!